As a parent, it can seem like there’s never enough time to make sure your kids have all the snacks, cuddles, baths, meals, supplies, bedtime books, clean clothes and quality time they need.
Adding cancer treatment to the mix? Juggling medical appointments, managing side effects and maintaining your energy levels while trying to be there for your children can feel overwhelming.
“A cancer diagnosis is disruptive in many ways. There will be changes to the normal routine and an increase in demands and responsibilities,” said Ashley Imburgia, PsyD, a psychologist specializing in cancer care with Banner MD Anderson Cancer Center.
It’s natural to worry about how dealing with cancer will affect your children. With careful planning, open communication and a strong support network, you can do your best to balance cancer treatment and family life during this difficult time.
How a parent’s cancer treatment may affect children
“Depending on the type of treatment, there can be many physical and emotional changes,” Dr. Imburgia said. Your cancer treatment may include chemotherapy, radiation therapy, surgery, immunotherapy or targeted therapy. Plus, treatment can really disrupt your schedule.
When you’re being treated for cancer, you may have side effects such as:
- Fatigue
- Nausea and vomiting
- Hair loss
- Pain and discomfort
- Trouble with memory and concentration
- Emotional and psychological effects such as anxiety, depression and mood swings
“It’s important to prepare children for these changes,” Dr. Imburgia said. You may not be able to do all the tasks you used to. You’ll want to let children know what may change and what will happen instead.
For example, let them know if people will be bringing meals or if someone else will be driving them to after-school activities. “Ask your children for their ideas about how to minimize disruptions,” she said.
Let your health care team know what’s going on
It’s important to keep your health care team informed about your family responsibilities. Here’s why:
- Your health care providers may be able to adjust your treatment plan schedule to fit better with your family life. “For instance, if you are planning to pick kids up from school, you might be able to ask for earlier appointments,” Dr. Imburgia said.
- They can connect you with counseling, support groups and community programs that help families deal with cancer.
- Knowing your family situation can help your health care team suggest strategies to best manage the side effects of treatment while parenting.
- Your team can help you learn how to communicate with your children in an age-appropriate manner. They can recommend ways for your children to be involved in your treatment plan. For example, a child might bring you water, come to your appointments or ask the health care team questions depending on their age and understanding.
Communicate openly with your children
Keeping your children informed and helping them understand is key. “Make communication a priority and check in often with children to see how things are going,” Dr. Imburgia said. Parents worry about providing too little or too much information but being open and honest — using the word cancer — is helpful as it helps children to cope.”
It’s important to talk to your children about cancer in a way they can understand. Younger children need simple and clear explanations, while older kids and teens might want more detailed information.
Children might worry about what will happen to them. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel scared or confused. Let them know that they are safe and cared for.
Encourage your children to ask questions and share their feelings and worries. Answer their questions honestly, but in a way that is appropriate for their age. If you don’t have all the answers, it’s okay to admit it and find out together.
If you think their worries might upset you or a co-parent, see if they can talk to another important adult in their life. “Most children have counselors available through their school. Letting teachers and other important adults know about your diagnosis can help them watch for changes in your child and intervene early. Having support outside of the family is important,” Dr. Imburgia said.
Lean on your support system
You’ll find people who are there for you among your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors and parents of other children. Ask for help with cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, food prep, transportation, homework help, laundry or taking care of the children. Most people are willing to help but may not know what you need unless you tell them.
You may also be able to get help from community resources like meal delivery services, transportation assistance and support groups. “Use your local support at the cancer center to get information,” Dr. Imburgia said. Online resources like Bright Spot Network and PACT may also help.
Give yourself time to rest, heal and build your energy
Structured daily schedules are important for all parents, and even more important for parents in cancer treatment. “Maintain normal schedules as much as possible. If you have a co-parent, discuss how things might change and identify what that looks like,” Dr. Imburgia said.
A predictable routine can give your children some stability and help you manage your energy levels. Be flexible, since you may need to make changes based on your treatment schedule and side effects.
Use calendars and planners to keep track of medical appointments, school events and family activities to help prevent overscheduling and give yourself time for rest. Taking care of yourself is important. With self-care, you can maintain your energy levels and make it easier to care for your children.
“Parents often forget that they need to take care of themselves and heal. Lead by example and make sure that you are taking care of yourself,” Dr. Imburgia said.
Set realistic goals — you probably won’t be able to do everything you used to do. Use childcare to make sure your children are well cared for when you need to focus on your treatment.
Stay connected emotionally
Cancer treatment can be a challenging time for families. Spend quality time with your children with activities everyone enjoys, like game nights, movie nights or arts and crafts. Remember that spending time together, hugs and words of affirmation can go a long way in reassuring your children and keeping everyone connected.
During hospital stays or treatments, use video calls, messaging apps and other technology to stay in touch with your children. Reassure your children that it’s okay to feel upset or scared and that you are there for them and love them.
Understand that your children might face emotional struggles during this time. Look for signs of stress or anxiety such as withdrawing from activities they enjoyed, changes in sleeping or eating habits, irritability or trouble concentrating.
It may help to connect your children with support groups designed for children whose parents have cancer. Counseling can also give them a safe space to talk about their fears and anxieties.
Don’t overlook your own emotional health
Taking care of your emotional health is just as important as managing your physical health. Mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises or yoga can help you stay grounded and reduce stress. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.
You may want to connect with other parents who are also undergoing cancer treatment. Look for local or online support groups where you can share experiences, advice and support.
Also, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who helps people cope with cancer and chronic illness. They can give you strategies for managing stress, anxiety and depression.
The bottom line
Parenting during cancer treatment is challenging, but with the right support and strategies you can maintain a balanced and loving family life. “Parents know their children best. Most families have handled challenges before, so call on the helpful skills that have helped your family during tough times in the past,” Dr. Imburgia said.
Reach out to your family and friends, health care team, support groups, community resources or an expert at Banner Health for the help you need.
